Fragile
by KawaiixCherryxBlossom
Summary: Taking a break from Pokémon training, Ash returns to Cerulean City to spend some time with Misty. But as he catches up with his best friend, he learns that much has changed since he once knew her... Or did he? AAMRN, deals with eating disorders.
1. Mirror

**Fragile**

**By Kawaii Cherry Blossom**

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon, or the song 'Fragile' by Delta Goodrem. The rights to both are property of their respective owners.

Rating: M15 - Mature themes

Genre: Drama/Angst/Romance

Type: AAMRN

Summary: Taking a break from Pokémon training, Ash returns to Cerulean City to spend some time with Misty. But as he catches up with his best friend, he learns that much has changed since he once knew her… Or did he?

Ages:

Ash – 18

Misty – 18

Chapter 1

_Mirror_

_"Six thoughts at once, I can't focus on one  
Seven days a week but my life has just begun  
So caught in emotion and I'm overcome  
As I'm falling down I come undone…"_

MISTY

Disgusting.

Disgusting.

Fat.

Ugly.

Disgusting.

I want to drive my fist into the mirror's reflection. I want to. Come on Misty, do it. Do it!

No. I can't. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to.

You have no choice. This is who you are.

This is NOT who I am.

This is who you are now.

And with that, I am defeated, too weak to fight it, and I'm not sure that I truly want to anymore. I glance up at my reflection disgustedly once again, before turning away.

A moment later, the melodious sound of the doorbell drifts through the gym, bouncing off each wall until it finds my ears. Nobody is home, and it could be a trainer, so I sigh and unwillingly lift myself from my bed, before unlocking my door and stepping into the hallway. I walk past the framed photos of my sisters and I, the cerulean blue walls and the painted images of various water Pokémon, and make my way towards the front door. My pace is slow, I hope that if I walk slowly enough the person at the front door will grow impatient and turn away, because the last thing I feel like doing right now is dealing with an over-confident Pokémon trainer that reminds me of Ash.

But my hopes are washed away like the tide as the doorbell sounds once again, followed by a seemingly impatient knock. Yep, it's definitely an over-confident Pokémon trainer that's going to remind me of Ash… I force as interested a look onto my face as I can as I grasp the doorknob and swing the door open.

What?

I can feel my eyes grow wide as they set upon the tall figure that stands in front of me. His rich black hair is styled, though it still waves wildly in every direction possible, his chocolate eyes dancing with happiness and optimism. He's no longer puny and scrawny, I note, as I notice the slight muscles showing underneath his black t-shirt, and he's a few inches taller than me. Whoa.

Well, at least now I know that I'm dreaming.

"Hiya, Mist!" he says excitedly as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me into an embrace.

But wait, this seems so real…

"A…Ash…?" I stutter, shock filling my quiet voice, and he pulls away, looking at me quizzically.

"How are ya, Misty?" he asks, his eyes gazing questioningly into mine.

"I'm fine… What are you doing here?"

It's not that I'm not happy to see him, in fact, I'm overjoyed. Just a little…shocked…

Perhaps he has come to save me…

No, you don't need saving. You're Misty Waterflower, and you're strong, powerful. You don't need anybody, let alone him. He'll only drag you back in the wrong direction, make you weak again. You do what you do because it's the only way. The only way.

Right. The only way…

The joy in his eyes seems to fade slightly, like a fire losing its intensity, as he asks, "What? I'm not allowed to come and visit my best friend?" I smile apologetically.

"I mean, I wasn't expecting you."

A serious look overpowers the mischievousness in his eyes, as he steps past me and into the gym.

"I haven't heard from you in a while," he speaks. "And I was worried."

"Ash Ketchum? Worried about me?" I ask, and he looks somewhat hurt.

"Of course I worry about you… I always do…"

Yes, that's the way. Everyone _would _worry about poor, weak little Misty Waterflower, who can't take care of herself, who is good for nothing, who isn't even worth life…

"Misty?" his voice snaps me out of the dark hole I'd fallen into and brings me back up to the sun. "Are you alright?" Closing the door, a wave of anger takes over me.

"Why wouldn't I be? I can take care of myself you know," I snap, and a concerned, shocked look immediately crosses Ash's face. Realising my actions, I immediately correct them as I force a laugh and a smile.

"I mean, of course I'm alright, Ash," I say with as much vigour as I can, hoping and praying that he'll believe it. He looks unsure. Very, very unsure. Damnit, I'm so stupid. Thankfully, he seems to brush his concerns aside, a smile returning to replace his doubt.

"Let's go sit down," I suggest, changing the subject, before I lead him to the living room, and we sit upon the soft, blue couch, facing each other.

"It's so good to see you," he says after he's seated, and I smile shyly, feeling a blush creep onto my cheeks.

"You too. So how's things? What have you been up to?"

ASH

Is it just me, or does Misty seem…I dunno…a bit spaced out? It seems as if she's in another world… Strange…

"Well, after the Hoenn League, we stayed with May's family for a while and I did some training with her father at his gym," I answer her question, flitting away my thoughts for the moment so she wouldn't get suspicious. "After that, Max went off on his own Pokémon journey with May as his tutor, and Brock went home for a while, so I decided to take a break. I decided to come back home for a while. Just for a month or so, to have a rest."

"Wow, you taking a break? I've never heard of such a thing!" she teases, returning to her old self. Perhaps I've just been reading too much into things. Misty's fine. And besides, when is Misty _not_ fine?

As by habit, I rub the back of my head with my hand shyly, and she laughs. God it's so good to see her again. I would never admit to anybody how much I missed Misty when she wasn't traveling with us. It's a secret that only myself, Pikachu and my journal know, though I think Brock can read minds because I swear he knows as well.

"And where is Pikachu?"

"Well actually…he met this other Pikachu the other day, a female, and well…"

"Pikachu's in love?!" she asks, and I laugh.

"Well yeah, I guess so…" I reply sheepishly.

"That is SO cute!" she squeals.

"Yeah, but a word of advice, don't EVER tell him that. When _I_ told him it was cute…well…let's just say…owch…" The memory is painful, too.

We both erupt into laughter, which lasts for a few moments, before it fades.

I tear my eyes away from Misty as I realise I'm staring at her, but all the same, she was staring at me. An uncomfortable silence develops, the air so tense it could be cut by a knife.

MISTY

I want to hug him again. That felt so good, his arms around me, I felt so safe… I want to feel protected, sheltered, secure…

But why should I deserve someone like him? I don't deserve dirt. Not me. And besides, he could get any girl he wants, why would he pick me? I'm nothing, not beautiful, not spirited, heck, I'm probably the worst friend he's ever had.

Then why is he here? Does he want to stay? Can I handle that? What if he finds out? What if he abandons me?

He should abandon me… I'm not worth his time…

"So… How come you haven't been in contact with us for so long? I mean, it's been months…" Ash's question slices open the silence that had engulfed us, cutting off my thoughts.

"Oh, well, you know… My sisters went away again, so I've been in charge of the gym by myself…"

"Really? Where'd they go?"

"Australia this time. They said something about some place called the Gold Coast and getting a tan…" I reply, rolling my eyes slightly. My sisters, all they care about is the way they look.

I laugh ironically as this statement leaves my mind, and want to kick myself for thinking it.

"Oh, how cool," he replies.

"Yeah, it would've been, if they'd taken me with them," I reply, and it sounds like I'm whining, but I don't really care. Ash shrugs innocently.

"Well, I'm glad they didn't," he says.

"Why?" I question.

"Because then you wouldn't have been here when I came!"

The oh-so-familiar warm feeling in my cheeks makes yet another appearance as his smiling eyes gaze into mine. I glance away shyly, but I can still feel his eyes on me.

"Misty?" he asks gently.

"Yeah?"

"I've really missed you…"

He's missed me? Really missed me? I look back into his eyes and search for the certainty that I seek to prove that he's telling the truth. Sure enough, it's right in front of me, but do I believe it? I have no doubt that I am head over heels in love with him. I accepted it years ago. But I also accepted that he would never feel the same way, and now more than ever, I believe this to be true.

How can he love me, after all? How can anybody love me? Look at me. I'm disgusting, a disgrace to the human race. No, he could never love me…

"I'll get you a drink…" I reply hurriedly, before rushing out of the room and towards the kitchen, ignoring the faint feeling that washes over me as I do so.

ASH

That was weird… Misty seems so nervous, and Misty is _never _nervous. I shake my head and lean back into the soft pillows that make up the back of the couch.

Do I tell her? Do I just come out and say it? So badly, I want to reach out and squeeze her hand, tell her how much I love and adore her, and know that I'll never have to be without her again. But what are my chances? Be honest, Ash, Misty is…well…sort of out of your league, isn't she? I mean, look at her, she's the most beautiful person…

But then again, she was just blushing…

I've always followed the path my heart has led me down. And it tells me that this is the right thing to do. Yes, this is the right thing to do. The right risk to take. I can't keep this secret inside of me anymore…

My confidence is interrupted, however, as I hear the sound of glass shattering, and something falling. Worry courses through my veins as I jump up and dashthrough the door that Misty had disappeared through a minute before.

"Misty?!"

_To be continued…_

Just a warning guys… This fic is going to get pretty dark… Please review if you have any comments. Thank you.

Love and light,

Sarah.


	2. The Only Way

**Fragile**

**By Kawaii Cherry Blossom**

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon, or the song 'Fragile' by Delta Goodrem. The rights to both are property of their respective owners.

Rating: M15 - Mature themes

Genre: Drama/Angst/Romance

Type: AAMRN

Summary: Taking a break from Pokémon training, Ash returns to Cerulean City to spend some time with Misty. But as he catches up with his best friend, he learns that much has changed since he once knew her… Or did he?

Ages:

Ash – 18

Misty – 18

Chapter 2

_The Only Way_

_"Sometimes I feel like I'm alone_

_Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong_

_Sometimes I feel so frail, so small_

_Sometimes I feel vulnerable_

_Sometimes I feel a little fragile_

_A little fragile…"_

ASH

I can feel my heart pounding in my chest, my fear overtaking me, as I spot Misty lying on the kitchen floor, her eyes closed, with fragments of what used to be a glass smeared around her.

"Mist?" I call out her name softly as I kneel down beside her, being careful not to kneel over any glass. Her eyes are closed, but she's breathing softly. It seems like she's just…sleeping? Well, that's a good sign, I guess…

"Misty, can you hear me?" I touch her cheek gently, and she stirs slightly, but doesn't wake up. What's wrong? Is she sick? Is she not telling me something? No time to worry about that now, though. I should move her onto the couch…

I sigh worriedly, before putting my arms underneath her and lifting her up, and I'm sure that right now, my face is extremely red, but I don't care. I can't help but notice, though, that she's extremely light. Not that she was ever heavy…

Laying her down on the couch, I sit beside her and glance down at her face, having decided that if she needs sleep, there's no point waking her up. She really is beautiful. She hasn't changed much over the years, still as pretty as ever. Her hair is longer though, and she doesn't wear it up anymore. She's wearing a touch of makeup, as well. Her sister's influence, I'm guessing. It's her clothing that strikes me as quite strange, however. She's dressed in jeans and a baggy jumper, although it's hot outside. I don't have time to ponder it, however as she begins to stir. Her hand moves up to her head as her eyes flutter open, and for a moment she looks confused, before she shoots up.

"Huh?" she cries, glancing around.

"Mist, it's alright," I say as I lean forward slightly, putting my hand on her arm comfortingly. I don't care that she can probably notice the blush spreading across my cheeks as I do so, I just want to know what's wrong with her.

"Oh…" she says quietly, calming down and laying back on the couch. "What happened?"

"I don't know…" I tell her. "I heard the sound of a glass being dropped, and you were in the kitchen on the ground. You fainted…"

"Oh…" she glances away, looking uncomfortable.

"Misty… Are you sick or something?" my tone is serious, and it's making her very nervous, I notice.

"N-no, I'm fine," she stammers, but regains her composure and looks back at me with a slight smile. "I'm just a bit tired, that's all. Running the gym by myself is a big job, you know."

How tired can she be to collapse? Surely, she knows how to organise her time so that she gets enough sleep… She does look tired, but… There's something else. She's lying, and I can tell. But I know better than to question her. The last thing I want is for her to get angry at me…

I glance up at her, noticing that she looks as if she's going to fall asleep again.

"Maybe you should get some rest, then… I can look after the gym for you."

"But…"

"No buts, Misty, you need sleep. You can't be collapsing. What if I wasn't here to help?"

She doesn't argue, I think she's too tired to even attempt it. Instead, she lets her eyes close and falls back against me, leaning her head on my arm.

"Don't leave Ash…okay… Don't leave me…"

What?

I wonder if I'm hearing things, and I glance down instantly, but she said it. What does that mean? Her voice sounded so innocent, so…delicate, like a child who needs reassurance.

"I won't…" I reply, but she's already asleep, her breaths coming out softly and steadily as she lies against me.

Something is going on here. I'm sure of it now. But what… She could be sick, that's the most likely possibility. But why wouldn't she tell me? I'm her best friend… She hasn't contacted me in three months, which is very strange because usually we write at least once a week, and talk on the phone most nights. But every time I tried to call over the past few months, there was no answer. I even contacted Cerulean's Officer Jenny, to check if something had happened, but she told me that the Gym was running as per normal.

One thing's for sure, though. I'm not going back to Pallet until I find out what's wrong.

What's going on with you, Misty…?

MISTY

Where am I?

Oh, I'm on the couch, I realise as I take in my surroundings, the sky blue walls and yellow roof telling me that I'm in the living room. A moment later, a recollection of thoughts drifts into my mind as I remember what happened earlier. And it must have been much earlier, since it's dark outside.

Shoot.

I wonder if Ash is suspicious.

You idiot, Misty, of course he's suspicious. You collapsed, for goodness sakes.

Oh well, it will just take a bit of fake reassurance to turn his concerns around.

But I want him to find out. I want him to find out so he can help me.

No, I can't be helped by him, only by myself.

God…this is going to kill me...

No it's not. But wouldn't you rather die than be the disgusting person you are now?

Yeah, I would.

Closing my eyes, as if in pain, I will my thoughts away, and my nose takes in a scent coming from the kitchen. Moments later, Ash appears in the doorway, his concerned eyes lighting up when he finds me awake.

"Misty, hey. How are you feeling?" he asks, rushing over and kneeling down beside the couch.

"Fine, thanks…" He smiles at that, and stands up. Good, he believes me.

"That's good to hear. I made you some soup. I'll be right back."

"Oh, no, really, I'm not hungry," I call out, but he keeps on walking, before he disappears through the kitchen door.

Damnit.

Moments later, he reappears, holding a bowl. With careful concentration, he places it on the coffee table in front of me, and sits down beside me.

"Ash, really, I'm not hungry…"

"Don't be silly, you have to keep up your strength. There's nothing worse than feeling hungry, especially when you're tired!"

Yeah…

"Here," he takes the tray and sets it on my lap.

I can't eat this; it's full of sugar and fat.

But I have no choice. If Ash finds out…

I can always get rid of it later…

Picking up the spoon, I notice Ash is peering at me worriedly.

"What?" I ask, becoming annoyed. He looks away immediately, and stands up, smiling at me. I glance down at the soup, a sick feeling rising up in my stomach as I look at it. I can feel his eyes on me, so trying not to think about it, I dip the spoon into the liquid and bring it up to my mouth, before swallowing it slowly. I fake a smile up at him and push aside my thoughts.

"When did you learn how to cook?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. He laughs sheepishly.

"Brock taught me. Said it was about time I learned how to do things myself."

Smiling slightly, I glance back down at the soup, and knowing he's still watching me, I take another small spoonful. He tells me he'll be back in a few moments, and leaves the room, but I only half notice.

It tastes so good… Food tastes so good… I'm aware, now, of how hungry I am. When was the last time I ate anything? This morning I ate a banana...

No, I can't do this. I can't!

But it's too late, and I've finished the bowl before my thoughts have the power to protest.

"Oh, you're finished. Do you want another bowl?" Ash asks. I didn't even notice him come back in the room…

Yes. Can I have fifty more bowls please? As well as ten-thousand bags of chips, a million chocolate bars…

Oh God, shut up Misty and shake your head, you idiot!

Shaking my head, I move forward and place the tray onto the table. Though I feel shaky and unstable, I force myself to stand, and he moves forward instantly to support me.

"Whoa, be careful."

"I'm fine, Ash. I just want to go to the bathroom," I say, a little too much anger invading my voice, and he steps back and nods. I glance away from his worried eyes and want to cry, fall into his arms, plead with him to help me…

But no, I can't. I can't. He'll just ruin everything…

Keeping myself steady, I move towards the downstairs bathroom. I don't think I'll be able to make it up the stairs… When I get inside, I push the door shut and make sure it's locked. I turn on the radio in the shower and move towards the toilet, opening the lid and kneeling in front of it. I close my eyes, my emotions swirling in my head, a painful tornado of thoughts. But no, this is the only way…

Leaning over the bowl, I stick my fingers down my throat and feel the sick feeling rise within me, before I throw up what I just ate.

This is the only way.

This is the only way.

_To be continued…_

Just a quick note… I know the chapters are short, but they are meant to be. Short 'n' simple. Thank you for reading.

Love and light,

Sarah.


	3. Caught

**Fragile**

**By Kawaii Cherry Blossom**

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon, or the song 'Fragile' by Delta Goodrem. The rights to both are property of their respective owners.

Rating: M15 - Mature themes

Genre: Drama/Angst/Romance

Type: AAMRN

Summary: Taking a break from Pokémon training, Ash returns to Cerulean City to spend some time with Misty. But as he catches up with his best friend, he learns that much has changed since he once knew her… Or did he?

Ages:

Ash – 18

Misty – 18

Author's Notes: I'd like to say a big thank you to all of you who've been reviewing this fanfiction so far. I'm really glad you're all enjoying it, and I hope you will continue to. :)

Chapter 2

_Caught _

_"In six-thousand years, what will all this mean?_

_Words from the heart, or a melody…_

_So caught in emotion and I'm overcome_

_As I'm falling down, I come undone…"_

MISTY

Where am I? What am I doing? What day is it? What time is it?

I can't move, the waft of tiredness that waves through me every time I try to is too powerful. I think I'll just…go back to sleep…

"Misty… Are you awake?" Ash's gentle voice calls through the door.

"Yeah…" I manage to call out softly, and he walks into my room moments later, a soft, warm smile gracing his face. He looks like an angel…

"Good morning," he says softly, and I nod in reply, my dull, tired eyes meeting his, which seem full of worry.

Worry for me?

Why would he worry about me? I don't deserve to be worried about…

"Are you still feeling tired?" comes the question, but I think he already knows the answer.

Yes, I'm feeling tired.

Maybe because I starve myself and throw up the food people make me eat.

Shut up.

He moves closer to me as I nod, and sits on the edge of my bed, looking down at me. I need you, Ash… I need you to save me… Save me from myself…

Shut up.

No…

Shut up you fat, ugly, disgusting, imperfect bitch.

"I'll get you some breakfast then…"

"I'm not hungry," I say as I force myself to shake my head.

"But you really should get some food into you…"

Why? So then I can be even more fat? Even more ugly? Then maybe a few more people will hate me. And then you'll hate me. And you'll never love me… And I'll be alone forever.

Shut up! I scream to myself inwardly as I close my eyes tightly, and I feel Ash's hand on my arm.

"Misty? What's wrong?"

When I open my eyes, they meet his, but I can't look at him for long. I hear him sigh as I look away.

"Why won't you tell me?"

"Nothing's wrong!" I scream, using up just about all of the energy I have, before I sink back down into the mattress. I can feel his eyes on me, looking on with an intense sense of concern. But what can I say? There isn't anything wrong with what I'm doing. I'm just…trying to make myself perfect. I just want to rid myself of all of my imperfections, so people will love me. Then, maybe Ash will love me.

But I'm starving myself, and it's hurting me…

No, it's not wrong. I'm doing the right thing here. This is the only way.

"Do you expect me to believe that?" he asks, and he sounds hurt. "Don't you trust me?" I ignore his question, I can't answer.

"I have a fever, so I'm not hungry. I don't want any breakfast. And when I do, I can get it for myself," I reply coldly, and I turn away, pulling the blankets over myself. His hand reaches over and presses on my forehead before I have the opportunity to stop him. His touch sends shivers through my spine, and sets the butterflies in my stomach loose. A few seconds later, he pulls away and thankfully says nothing.

"Fine…" I hear his soft voice moments later, before he walks out of the room. I wait to hear a click, signifying that the door is shut, and I let out a sob, not stopping my tears from falling and soaking my pillow.

Stop crying, you weak bitch. You're so weak.

I'm not… I'm not… Shut up…

ASH

I've never seen Misty so…so cold, angry, emotional… Something is gnawing at her from the inside, it seems like she's having an argument with herself inside her head.

Sitting down on the couch, I put my head in my hands and massage my temples with my fingers. I hardly slept last night, thoughts of Misty drifted through my mind as I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and listening to the tick of the clock hanging on the wall. Somehow, I think nights like those are going to be common…

I remember when Misty and I first met. She was so fiery and competitive, but that seems to have died, replaced with this girl that I…don't even know…

What could it be that's hurting her? Something could have happened, but why wouldn't she tell me? She could be sick… Yes…that seems to be the most logical explanation. But again, doesn't she trust me enough to fill me in on what's going on? I don't understand, and I just want to help her…

Wait, I know who might be able to help me…

Standing up, I walk the short distance to the video phone and pick up the receiver, before dialing the familiar number. Brock's face appears on the screen a few moments later.

"Hello? Oh, it's you Ash. How are ya?"

"I'm fine thanks Brock. How are you?"

"Good. What's up? How was your reunion with Misty?" he asks, and winks at me, but his face turns serious when I glance down at the ground.

"What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"Well… I don't really know… But I need your help. I don't know what to do," I say slowly, and he nods.

"Okay, sure. What's on your mind?"

"It's Misty…" I sort of feel like crying, the confusion of the situation overwhelming me, but I have to stay strong… "She's been acting very strange."

"What do you mean, strange?"

"She seems cold, distant, emotionless, I don't know. She's just not herself. It seems like she's got something big on her mind, but she won't tell me what it is. Also, she doesn't seem…well."

"Is she sick?"

"She says she's got a fever, but I felt her forehead and she didn't feel warm. In fact, she seemed as cold as ice. She looks really tired and worn-down, and she refuses to eat, and…"

"She refuses to eat? Or do you mean she can't because she's sick?" he asks, his eyebrow twitching in concern.

"Well…that's what she said. But it seems like…I dunno… She doesn't _want _to eat." Brock glances down at the floor, his mind seemingly ticking with possibilities as he tries to figure out what's wrong. But why does he seem so concerned about this?

"Brock, what are you thinking?"

"Let me clarify…" he says. "Misty says she's got a fever, but she doesn't seem warm. She looks exhausted and she refuses to eat?"

I nod in reply, and he rubs his chin with his finger in concentration.

"Is there anything strange about what she's wearing?"

"Well actually…" I begin, the question striking me like a single note being played on a piano in a silent room. "It's quite hot, but she's wearing a baggy jumper and loose fitting pants. I thought that was kinda strange…"

"Does she look thinner?"

"Well I can't really see, but her face looks a bit…"

"Gaunt?"

"Yeah, that's the word," I reply, a sigh breaking free from my lips a few moments later at the sight of Brock's concern-stricken eyes. "What is it? What do you think is wrong?" I dread the answer, though more than anything, I want to know.

"I'm not sure, I could be totally wrong, Ash, but… You know what eating disorders are, right?"

"Where people starve themselves and…" Oh God… No… Misty couldn't be…

"I don't know if that's it, but maybe you should try to find out…" Brock adds. He must have noticed the shock overtake my face like a mask.

"How…?" Shock pulses through my veins, fear driving it.

"Try to make her eat something, and see what she does," he instructs. I nod, thank Brock and hang up the phone, though my mind is elsewhere and I barely realise I'm doing it.

My mind is focused on one thing.

Misty.

MISTY

A whole day has passed already, I notice, as I glance out of the window to see the darkening sky. Where has it gone? I don't remember anything… I vaguely remember waking up, a few times, when Ash came into my room. But I can't recall much, I only remember the nightmares that plague my dreams as I sleep, plunging me further and further into the dark hole that is becoming my life.

I don't know if I can do this anymore… I feel like I'm dying, been killed slowly and painfully. And for what?

No, I can't ask myself these questions. I know what I'm doing, and I know why I'm doing it. I'm just trying to make myself perfect, like all the models in those magazines and the people on TV. Then, maybe I'll be worthy of peoples' love, and maybe they will love me. Maybe my sisters will accept me as the fourth Sensational Sister. And perhaps…just perhaps…Ash will love me as much as I love him…

You know, it's funny. A few years ago I didn't care in the slightest what people thought of me, especially my sisters. And Ash… I've wanted Ash to love me for so long, that my heart breaks each time I realise we're still just friends. But really, what would he see in a girl like me? There are so many pretty, skinny and nice girls out there who would give anything to be his girlfriend. I'm not any of those things. I don't even know why he's still here. I don't deserve it. One day, though, I realised why all of this is so. It became so clear to me as I looked into the mirror at my reflection. I was fat, and I was ugly. And so, I made a deal with myself to change that, make myself a person that people can love…

But he'll leave pretty soon, give up on me and move on, to a perfect, beautiful woman, to a woman who's not me…

Everyone does. They all give up on me. Even myself.

My stomach growls, screaming for food, and I wince. I can't do this! I'm so hungry, I just want to eat something, anything, I don't care… I can't do this…

No, I'm so stupid. I can't afford to be having doubts, what I want is out of reach enough without me adding to it. You're a bitch, Misty, and you're fat and ugly and nobody likes you, especially not Ash.

I'm so fat. I'm so fat. I just want to be skinny… Oh God... I need to get up, go for a walk around the neighborhood. No, a run will do me better, burn off more calories.

I try to lift myself up, but I can't even move my hands, and I give up after two tries, before sinking back into my pillow.

God… I'm so fat… I'm so fat…

Tears spring to my eyes and cascade down my cheeks, before soaking into the pillow. I let them fall, accepting my weakness as another part of me that is imperfect.

A few moments later, I hear footsteps, someone coming towards the door. I wipe my tears away hurriedly, I can't let him see me cry…

ASH

"Misty, you haven't eaten anything all day…"

"I've been asleep," she looks away as she replies, and I put the plate down as I sit on the edge of her bed.

"I know… But you have to eat…" Strange…her eyes are filled with both longing and refusal as she stares at the plate of food, but moments later, she shakes her head in refusal and looks up at the ceiling.

"I told you, I'm not hungry. I have a fever, remember? I lost my appetite."

Narrowing my eyes at her obvious lie, I put my hand to her forehead before she can move away.

"You don't feel warm." She's still ice cold… She really is lying…

"Just mind your own business!"

"And if you felt warm, you wouldn't be dressed in a jumper and baggy pants."

"I said mind your own business! This has nothing to do with you!"

"What do you mean, it has nothing to do with me? Of course it does! You're my best friend, Misty, and I'm worried about you!"

"Well you're wasting your worry! Just drop it!"

"Come on, Mist… You've gotta eat…" I plead. Please, don't let Brock be right, Misty… Prove that theory wrong, I'm begging you…

She looks as if she's going to burst into tears as her eyes meet mine, and an uncomfortable silence wafts through the room. I hold out the plate to her, and she looks at it longingly. C'mon, Misty…

Moments later, she reaches for the fork and digs into the plate of food, as if she hasn't eaten for a week. She's finished it in a few minutes, and stares at the empty plate, an emotionless look crossing her face.

"There ya go… Feel better?" I ask her gently, but she doesn't look so pleased… In fact, she looks angry, disgusted at herself…

"I need to go to the bathroom," she says as she throws the covers off and steps out of bed, swaying slightly when she stands. But she recollects herself and walks to the bathroom that's connected to her room. I hear the radio a few moments later. Why would she turn that on?

My curiosity getting the better of me, I walk the short distance to the bathroom and listen at the door. What I hear sends a wave of shock through my veins. She retches, and then throws up, before I hear the toilet flush.

Oh my God…

How can she do this…? Misty…the strongest person I know…with a possible eating disorder? But wait, maybe she really does have a fever, and feels sick because she ate so fast…

No, don't be so naive, Ash…

I'm not going to move. She's going to have to face me and explain, and I'm going to help her.

When she opens the door, our eyes lock, fear and shock penetrating from her stare, and worry emanating from mine. There's nowhere to run now, Misty. You can't hide behind your lies anymore…

_To be continued…_

Hehe… Cliffhangers rock, don't you think? :P

Please review!

Love and light,

Sarah.


	4. Sinking Afloat

**Fragile**

**By Kawaii Cherry Blossom**

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon, or the song 'Fragile' by Delta Goodrem. The rights to both are property of their respective owners.

Rating: M15 - Mature themes

Genre: Drama/Angst/Romance

Type: AAMRN

Summary: Taking a break from Pokémon training, Ash returns to Cerulean City to spend some time with Misty. But as he catches up with his best friend, he learns that much has changed since he once knew her… Or did he?

Ages:

Ash – 18

Misty – 18

Chapter 4

_Sinking Afloat_

"_Sometimes I feel like I'm alone_

_Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong_

_Sometimes I feel nothing at all_

_Sometimes I feel vulnerable_

_Sometimes I feel a little fragile_

_A little fragile…"_

ASH

I'm so stunned I don't know what to say. There are a million questions wandering through my mind, forming a traffic jam of speculation, but none of them seem right to ask in order to get the reply I want. She looks afraid; I see it behind the anger that's creeping up in her eyes as I look into them. Fear is something one rarely notices in Misty. She's always been so strong… But as I stand opposite her, I notice that she almost looks like a completely different person. She looks small, frail, gaunt… Her vivacious personality has been replaced with the haunting shadow of anger and despair, which is so obvious beneath the façade that she wears as a mask. Her hair is limp as it hangs around her face, where her skin hugs her bones. And although I can't see any of her body, I can bet that it looks the same… How long has she been doing this for? And how can I be her best friend, and not notice any change? What on earth do I say to her now…?

"What do you think you're doing?" she growls, beating me to it, and I'm caught off guard although it seems like the most obvious question she could ask.

"I… Well I was worried and…" I stutter out, stumbling over my words.

"You have no right to spy on me! Can't I even go to the bathroom in peace!" her voice rises in volume and her anger intensifies, like fire when it is fed wood.

"I wasn't spying…"

"Then what do you call listening at my bathroom door?" she spits back, her eyes boring into mine.

"If you have nothing to hide, why are you so upset about it?" I put the question to her, hoping it will make her back down. But it doesn't, I notice, as she grows angrier.

"Because you're always questioning me, spying, prying into my life! Can't you see I have my own life here? I'm not some little girl anymore, and I don't need your help to get by! I know what I'm doing! Why don't you just leave me the HELL alone!"

That really hurts, and I think she knows it, because she says no more. Giving me one last glare, she stumbles away and I watch her go. There's no point in letting this go further, and get more out of hand than it already is. The last thing I want to do is push Misty away completely. With that in mind, I exit through the bathroom's adjacent door and lean against the wall of the hallway outside her room.

At least I can be somewhat sure, now, that what Brock suspects may be true. And as much as I don't want that to be so, if I know, then I can help her…

MISTY

Who does he think he is, invading my privacy like that?

As much as I want to be angry enough to punch something, I find that I can't. Part of me wants him to find out, so that he can help me, save me…

Oh, what am I saying? I don't need help.

Taking off my jumper, tank top and pants, I stand in front of the mirror in my underwear and stare at my reflection. Disgusting. Look at how disgusting I still am. No matter what I do, nothing changes it! I pinch the skin on my stomach and look to the ground helplessly. Why is this happening to me? All I want is to be skinny, pretty. Why can't I do it? Am I that helpless, useless? Is there anything I can do right?

No, I'm just a failure… Sinking to the ground, I slam my fist down on the hard floorboards, and if it hurts, I don't notice it. I'm such a failure. Bitch, fat, failure, ugly, disgusting… I hate myself. I hate everything about myself. I hate it! Slamming my head back against my bed, I feel tears well up in my eyes, and I bring my head down and press it into my hands. Letting out a sob, I curl myself into a ball and wail softly.

I can't do this anymore, I can't… I don't want to… Someone help me, please… Just help me…

_The next day…_

ASH

Morning. Though, it makes no difference to me, since I've been awake all night. I think sleep overcame me at about 5 am, my sheer tiredness giving way to the peaceful slumber that I'd desired. But it wasn't, as I'd wanted, a place to escape from the painful reality in which I'm living. No, it took me to a land of nightmares, where my fears were intensified and played like movies in front of my eyes. Let's see, it must be about 7 am… What?

I feel panic rising up within me as I rub my eyes, and once again look towards the clock. 10 am? How could I have slept so late…?

Jumping out of the bed, I shed my pyjamas and grab my jeans and a fresh black t-shirt, before pulling them over me hurriedly. I really want to check on Misty…

Closing the door behind me, I rush down the hallway to Misty's door, which I find to be closed. I hope she's not still angry at me… My soft knock echoes through the silent hallway; and I wait for a few moments, before knocking again. But still, there is no reply.

"Misty, are you in there?" I call out, but receive no reply. Is it wrong to open her door and barge in? She got angry at me last time, but it's not like I haven't made it clear that I'm coming in… Placing my hand on the doorknob, I take a deep breath, praying that she won't see this as intrusion. I turn the knob and open the door a creak, before peering in.

There is…nothing…?

Opening the door fully, I'm greeted with an empty room. Puzzlement and a slight sense of concern sweeping through me, I close the door and make my way towards the kitchen, passing the seemingly endless blue walls of the gym, when I hear a battle cry coming from the distance. Turning my head towards its place of origin, I make my way to the gym's arena, and I'm apparently just in time for a battle.

Misty and her Starmie stand ready to face a cocky looking kid with a Charmander. This should be a piece of cake for Misty, she has an enormous advantage, and the kid looks like he hasn't done this many times. In fact, he reminds me of myself when I was first starting out… Cocky, determined, I didn't know much about the world but I wasn't afraid to find out, no matter where life took me. I'm lucky that I ended up where I did, with the people I did, especially Misty…

I hope she won't mind if I sit and watch, I think to myself as I sit down in the stands. She hasn't seen me, or if she has, she hasn't acknowledged me.

Focusing my eyes on the battle beginning in front of me, I find that they drift over to Misty's form right away. She sends out her commands to Starmie, who carries them out, but there is something missing, like a part of her spirit has faded into nothingness. She looks fragile, as if she can hardly hold herself up, but her stubbornness won't let her give in. There is something behind her determined stance and the strength in her eyes that is holding her back, I can see it if I look very closely. It's like she's wearing a mask, covering herself with strength to hide whatever is going on underneath… And she's still concealed within baggy clothes, though it is overwhelmingly hot today.

My thoughts have overtaken me so much, that I've hardly been paying attention to the battle. But it's over, and amazingly, Misty has lost. To a newbie. With a Charmander. She bows her head and returns Starmie, before stepping off of her platform and pulling a small object out of her pocket. When the kid, who just enthusiastically bounded towards her, reaches her, she presses the badge into his hand and says a few words to him, probably congratulating him on a job well done.

When he leaves, she turns towards the door and begins to make her exit.

"Misty!" I call out, forcing her to notice me sitting there as she whips around. The curiosity in her eyes fades and her stance loosens as she stares at me, an unrecognisable look in her eyes.

Standing, I walk towards her, and discover that she looks emotionless, no trace of any feeling at all…

"How are you feeling?" I think it's best not to mention the battle unless she brings it up…

"Fine," she replies, and her voice is as emotionless as her eyes. I sigh inwardly, not letting it show, and I find myself lost for words as an uncomfortable silence envelopes us for a few moments.

"Have…you had breakfast?" I ask the question I gather she doesn't want to hear, and as expected, a hint of emotion flickers in her eyes. Whether it's anger, fear or longing, I can't tell. Perhaps it is all three.

"Yes," she replies simply.

"Oh… Well, I was gonna make something. Do you want anything?" She looks as if she's going to say yes, but finally, she shakes her head and mutters a 'no thanks', before turning and starting towards the door.

"Misty," I call, and she halts, but doesn't turn around. I move closer to her and take her hand, before gently swinging her around to face me. She looks lost, as if she's wandering endlessly through an open space, with no way to get to where she wants to go. It's as plain as day to me when I look into her eyes, yet seconds later, she throws a blanket of anger over herself to cover it.

"What?" she asks, her tone signifying that she's annoyed.

"Did you really have breakfast?" She looks caught off guard, but doesn't back down.

"I told you I did! Why are you always on my case? I didn't say you could stay so you could question me about everything I do!" her words are bitter, as cold as ice.

"I just…want to help…"

"Help with what?" she asks, exasperated but I can tell she knows the answer.

"With whatever it is you're going through."

"I'm not going through anything!" her eyes are blazing like fire, anger emanating from every flickering flame. "You think you know me, Ash, but you don't! You don't know a thing!"

"I knew you before…"

"Yeah, well people change," she replies sarcastically, waving her hand dismissively. God…this must be so hard for her… I don't understand, not one part of it, but there is no way I'm going to rest until I do.

"I know you haven't been eating. And I know you're throwing up what you do eat," I decide it's time to press her with accusations, before she pushes me away any further.

"What are you talking about?!" she shouts horrendously, fear now seemingly driving her anger.

"I just want to help you, Mist…"

"I don't know why you think that, but you're wrong!" she cuts me off. The fear in her eyes tells me that she's lying.

"You don't have to lie anymore…"

"I am NOT lying!"

"Misty…"

"Just stop it! Leave me alone! I can't stand it any longer. Why won't you just _listen _to me?! I said I'm fine! And if you're not going to trust me enough to believe me, why don't you just _leave?!_" she screams the last word in emphasis, and my helpless eyes meet her fearful ones. Her face is streaked red with anger, her fists clenched as her body shakes. I should've known this would happen. But how can I leave now? Does she really want me to? Why are there always so many questions, and not enough answers…?

_To be continued…_

I hope you liked chapter 4. I put most of it in Ash's point of view, because I thought I'd use it as a way of conveying his worry for Misty. I was thinking of putting in a bonus chapter of one of Misty's diary entries, just to give her character a bit more depth. What do you guys think of that? Please review! Thank you for reading. :)

Love and light,

Sarah.


	5. From The Heart

**Fragile**

**By Kawaii Cherry Blossom**

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon, or the song 'Fragile' by Delta Goodrem. The rights to both are property of their respective owners.

Rating: M15 - Mature themes

Genre: Drama/Angst/Romance

Type: AAMRN

Summary: Taking a break from Pokémon training, Ash returns to Cerulean City to spend some time with Misty. But as he catches up with his best friend, he learns that much has changed since he once knew her… Or did he?

Ages:

Ash – 18

Misty – 18

Chapter 5

_From The Heart _

"_If people can see right through my eyes_

_Like an open door, that I can't disguise_

_I won't be afraid from the tears I cry_

_I'll not run, I'll not hide_

_This is how I feel inside…"_

MISTY

Leave. Why did I say it? I don't know, really. But it's done now. I can't take it back.

Wouldn't it be great if you could rewind your life? You could change things, erase your regrets and set your life on the track you want to head, rather than the one you've ended up on. But I suppose that would defeat the purpose of living, and learning lessons along the way…

Ash stares at me despairingly. He's always been so easy to read, his eyes are like doors to his heart. One look into them and you know exactly how he's feeling. But at this moment, I regret looking into them. He's upset, and it's all because of me. All my fault. What am I good for? Nothing.

He still hasn't replied. I don't really want him to leave. It was one of those things that came out on the spur of the moment, but I won't take it back now. No, I'm too proud.

"I understand…" he finally speaks, and I look back into his eyes, so filled with worry. I'm about to angrily reply that he doesn't, but I don't get the chance.

"I'll leave you alone for a while… I'm sorry for…well you know…" his voice is quiet and he doesn't meet my eyes as he says the last few words, glancing down at the floor instead. One moment later, he turns hesitantly and walks out of the arena, his hands in his pockets and his head down.

I watch him go, before walking to the bleachers and sitting down on a seat in the front row. Closing my eyes tightly, I put my head in my hands and wish it all away. Tears form in my eyes, and I ignore the voice inside my head, instead letting them fall.

I can't do this anymore. I feel like I'm dying, like all that's left inside of me is bitterness, and it's tearing at me from the inside. I can't control anything anymore. I don't know where I'm going, what I'm doing. What do I do…?

NO! You weak bitch, what is your problem? Look at you, crying like a little baby.

No wonder you're so alone, you're nothing.

You are NOTHING!

You're fat, ugly, disgusting, weak.

Ash will never love you. Nobody will ever love you.

Pinching my stomach, my face crinkles up in disgust, and I feel sick.

I'm so fat, so ugly. He'll never love me… Nobody will… What is there to love? I am nothing… I'm nothing…

I rise from my seat, wiping my tears away angrily. I feel ripped apart, one side bathed in fury and the other in helplessness. But the fury controls, and my body heeds its call as it forces me up and towards the bathroom.

I stand in front of the mirror, taking off my thick jumper to leave my baby blue tank top. Looking at my body, my fists clench and my face creases in repulsion.

So disgusting, look at me, I'm horrible!

Pinching my arms and then my stomach, I feel the anger inside of me intensify.

Get rid of it. Get rid of the fat.

My breathing raspy and heavy, I kneel in front of the toilet and stick my fingers into my throat. I can barely feel the tears in my eyes, which are proceeding to spill down my face.

Hurry, get rid of it.

It's the only way Misty, the only way.

The only way.

The only way.

The only way.

The only way!

"Misty, stop!"

ASH

Her face snaps up as I call out her name, her eyes full of shock, yet the underlying helplessness is as evident as a red stain on white cloth. Tears fall down her cheeks steadily, leaving shimmering trails down her face. And as I glance down and notice her body, I feel a haunting sense of devastation sweep through me. Bones show through her arms, shoulders and stomach, the skin wrapped tightly around them. She looks like a wilted flower, beauty that once was, but has withered as it stood lonesome in a field, through storms, droughts, winds… She is small and frail, and I think that if I reach out and touch her, she'll snap… But it's all I want to do, hold her tight and never let her go, never let her do this to herself again. I'll do anything it takes…

She turns her head to look straight ahead, and falls back on her knees. Loud sobbing accompanies the shaking that racks her body as she cries, and tears form in my own eyes at the despairingly melancholic scene before me. Closing my eyes for a moment, I take a breath, before I take a few steps forward and kneel before her.

"Mist…" I speak softly, and her helpless cries fade slightly. She looks into my eyes for a few moments, and I know that I see a plea for help somewhere inside of them, but she glances away moments later and stares straight ahead instead. Reaching my hand forward, I touch her arm gently. She flinches slightly, but doesn't move away.

You'd think that after all of the nights that I've laid awake, staring up at the ceiling, that I'd know what to say right now. You'd think I'd know what to do, how to make it all better, but I don't. Is there anybody that does?

"Let me help you…" I plead with her softly, but to my dismay, she slowly pulls her arm away.

"Misty," I say, "Look at me…"

For a few moments, she doesn't, instead remaining with her stare fixed forward. I call out her name a few more times, and I guess she detects the despair in my voice, because finally, she turns towards me.

"Misty…your eyes are so pretty…but they are filled with so much hurt and pain… Please, let me help you be free of it… Please…" My words form before I can even think of them. I guess this is what you call speaking from the heart.

Tears flutter out of her eyes once more and caress her cheeks, and she closes her eyes for a few moments.

"You could never understand…" she speaks quietly, her voice broken from her sobbing, before she stands. Shaking her head slightly, she moves towards the doorway, but I know I need to make one final plea to her while she's actually listening. Still on my knees, I look towards her figure, her back to me.

"Then help me to understand…"

Still shaking, she puts a hand on the doorway to steady herself.

"Why?" Her voice is soft, delicate as a thin piece of glass.

It's at this moment that I feel my emotions start to flow, as strong and forceful as a landslide or a tsunami. I know I can't hide it anymore, nor can I take it. And suddenly, it doesn't matter what she says, or how she takes it. Whether she rejects me or welcomes me with open arms, she needs to know, and I need to tell her…

"Because I love you…"

She freezes, I can tell, though she has her back to me.

"I love you…Misty…"

_To be continued…_

I know, I know, cliffhangers rock. You told me in your last reviews, so I thought I'd add in another one since you all love them so much. Mwahaha. Hehehe. That was kind of short as well. The next one will be longer, I promise.

But anyway, this fic will be coming to a close pretty soon, about one or two more chapters to go I think. Thank you again to all of those who've been reading, and especially to those who review, because although I don't write to get reviews, it's nice to hear some feedback and to know that you enjoy my work. So thank you. :) I love you all.

Love and light,

Sarah.


	6. Reflections

**Fragile**

**By Kawaii Cherry Blossom**

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon, or the song 'Fragile' by Delta Goodrem. The rights to both are property of their respective owners.

Rating: M15 - Mature themes

Genre: Drama/Angst/Romance

Type: AAMRN

Summary: Taking a break from Pokémon training, Ash returns to Cerulean City to spend some time with Misty. But as he catches up with his best friend, he learns that much has changed since he once knew her… Or did he?

Ages:

Ash – 18

Misty – 18

Chapter 6

_Reflections _

"_A little fragile…_

_A little fragile…"_

MISTY

I used to love the water. When I was little I was fascinated by my reflection, as it stared back at me when I looked into this river. I used to come here and gaze into it for hours. But it's different now. Everything has changed. I'm not a child anymore. I'm no longer naïve, no longer innocent and full of determination. My fire was put out, extinguished by shadows of doubt and fear and anger. Now when I look into my reflection I have to look away, because I'm so disgusted at what I see. So disgusted that I want to throw my fist into it, drown myself, anything to make it go away.

What has happened to me? Who is that girl staring back at me? I don't even know her. I don't think I ever did. And I don't know if I ever will…

What made me this way? I don't know. It happened so gradually that I hardly noticed it, and it quickly became normal. When I returned home after traveling with Ash for years, my spark fizzled and faded as each day was run by a routine that I'd grown fond of not having to live by. I left home because I couldn't stand it. I'd never felt as lost as I did on the day I left, as I wondered aimlessly out of Cerulean on my brand new bike (I'd just received it for my birthday). I didn't know who I was, what I wanted, where I was going, all I knew was that I could stay there. After walking around for a few hours, I finally sat down to rest on a rock overlooking a beautiful river. As I sat on the edge I began to cry, though I became angered at myself for doing so. I kept thinking of my parents, and how different it would've been if they hadn't died. But they had. And I didn't have anybody to turn to.

I don't know if I believe in fate, but that must have been what put Ash into that river on that day. Before I fished him out, I was praying for something, anything, to guide me onto the right path. And when I saw Ash, I knew that he must've been that something, or in his case, someone. I didn't know why at the time, but I saw something in him, something special. As usual, I put up my defensive front to make myself seem stronger than I was. but when he left with my bike, I knew my chance was waiting there for me to take it, and my heart pushed me to follow him. In hindsight, I don't know where I would have ended up if I didn't. Ash saved me, he helped me to feel accepted, and his friendship provided me with the support I needed to believe in myself. When I came back home, however, that confidence in myself faded, and I quickly found myself giving way to my insecurities again.

But this time, nobody was here to save me…

The sound of a small droplet distracts me from my thoughts, and I look down to see a circle of ripples waving through the water. Another follows, and I realise I'm crying.

I just want to feel loved, desired, _wanted, _by everyone. I'm tired of fading into the background, unnoticed by every passer-by, unless they want something. In everyone's eyes I was the bad seed, the only one in the family that didn't fit in. My daddy was my best friend; he was the only person who understood me. But when he died, half of me died along with him. I wonder what he thinks of me. No doubt he doesn't understand, just like the rest of them. Especially Ash.

Ash… I love him… He said he loves me. That should be a good thing, but it isn't, because I know it's not true. How could he love me? I'm nothing. Nothing special, just nothing at all. He has no reason to love me, and that's why nobody does. And why should they? I don't deserve it anyway. Most likely he said it just to make me feel better. But he didn't mean it. No way could he mean it.

A sudden sound, a twig being crunched beneath something, causes me to freeze, and fear rises up in me like mercury in a thermometer. But turning around slowly, I discover it to be him. He looks hurt and uncomfortable, and I wonder why he's here if he feels that way. Wouldn't it be easier to just give up on me and leave?

Casting my eyes away from him, I turn back to face the river and sniff quietly, before wiping away the tears that had gathered in my eyes. There's no point in running anymore is there? For a moment, I hear nothing but the gentle sway of the water current, and I almost forget where I am until I hear more crunching, before I feel him sit beside me. I tense up as soon as his sits down, and I can't look at him.

"Why are you here?" the words come out bitterly, which is, really, a symbol of what I've become. Bitter.

"You know why," he answers simply, his voice quiet. I can feel his desperate gaze on me for a few moments, and he sighs helplessly when I make no response.

"I don't…understand, Misty…"

"Nobody does."

"Do you?" his question cuts of any response I had planned, and for a moment, I want desperately to fall into his arms and beg him to help me. But I can't. There's no other way to live my life, if I have to live it. This is who I am, the reality I have to accept, until I become what I've wanted to be for so long – perfect. Just like my sisters, loved by everyone.

"Misty, I love you more than anyone else in the world," he says, desperate emotion pouring out with his words. Feeling his eyes on me, I turn my head fearfully to face him.

"You're the most amazing person I know. You were always so spirited and full of life and determination. And you were so sweet and caring and loving and _strong_, even when I was too stupid to realise it. But most of all, Mist, you were, and are, beautiful. I don't know why you feel you have to change yourself, especially like this…"

ASH

Her eyes are closed and her shoulders are shaking by the time I've finished speaking. She bites her lip but it seemingly doesn't stop the sobs that rise up within her, and overflow like a cup that's been filled with a volume of water exceeding its capacity. I let her cry, her helpless, feeble sobs filling the previously silent air. A few moments later, I put my hand over hers, which is resting next to her, and slowly but surely, she leans into me. Cries rack her frail body, and she feels so small and delicate as she lies in my arms. She is shivering, also, having left the jumper she was wearing back at the gym. Making sure to be gentle, I wrap one arm around her. She seems to give in to my comfort, but her cries exude helplessness and I don't really know what to do, so I just stay there. When I was little, and I was upset, I used to stay in my mom's arms for hours because it would make me feel so much better, so maybe it will be the same…

"I just want someone to love me, Ash… I just want them to love me like they all loved my sisters…" she says through her sobs, still laying in my arms.

"How would doing this to yourself make people love you?" I ask, because I genuinely want to know her reasons.

"I… It was the only thing I could control…" she chokes out despairingly. "I want to be perfect just like them… I…I don't want to be me anymore!"

"Misty…" I say softly, and she glances up at me. Her eyes are weary and drained, and shimmering tear stains mark her bony cheeks. "I love you for who you were, the beautiful red-head that I met years ago. You never needed to change yourself; you were perfect the way you were…"

"You don't mean that."

"You know I'd never lie, especially not to you," I find myself pleading, because I can feel her slipping away from my grasp, and I'm so close…

"You don't mean it… Y…you can't…" she repeats, and leans out of my arms. Leaning forward, she stares ahead aimlessly and wipes her eyes. "You should go home," she adds, her cold voice now devoid of any emotion.

And leave you here? No way. I stand; ready to chase her if she runs away.

"I just want to help…" my desperate voice pleads; I know I'm nearing the last of my chances.

Clenching her fists angrily, she growls and stands shakily, before turning to face me. A flicker of fury is present in her otherwise lifeless eyes.

"I don't NEED help! Do you know what I need? I need you to get out of my face!"

I'm shocked by her sudden outburst and I don't know how to react, so I just stand there and stare worriedly into her eyes. She looks both helpless and defiant, but most of all, exhausted, as if just standing up takes up all of her energy. And it probably does…

Suddenly, we both look up, startled, as thunder cracks through the sky. Funny, I hadn't even noticed the clouds that had rolled in so quickly, darkening the sky. A burst of rain quickly follows, soaking us, and I see Misty shiver violently as lightning bolts shoot through the sky.

Knowing we have to get out of the storm, I hold out my hand, but she backs away.

MISTY

"Just get away!" my voice shrieks out over the cracking of the thunder above us. I take a few steps back, hardly noticing the heavy rain that's drenching me.

He doesn't back away; instead he stands on the same spot, his hair matted around his head, glancing at me through devastated eyes. I want to give way to him, let him take me home, but again, my weaker self is overpowered.

"I don't care what you think! I know what I'm doing and you can't stop me from doing it!"

His eyes defiant, he steps towards me.

"If you knew what you were doing, you wouldn't be doing this to yourself!"

"What the HELL do you know?!"

"I know you, and I know that you're stronger than this, not so weak as to give way to the pressure of trying to be like other people!"

I glare into his eyes angrily as the rain beats down upon us and a few stray lighting bolts dart through the sky.

"Look, I never asked you to come here! And I sure as hell never asked you to help me! My life is none of your business! You don't understand a thing, you never could!"

"Do YOU understand, Misty?" he demands as his eyes, filled with a million different emotions, bore into mine.

I can't reply, I feel so tired, I don't think I can stand up anymore. And it's cold, the rain is so cold, and the thunder is so loud…

"Well, do you?" he begs, but his voice seems far away. Beyond my control, I feel my weary eyes close for a moment, and open to see him staring at me worriedly.

"Misty?"

"I…I don't…" I manage to mutter, before the world begins to spin around me. The rain becomes heavier, each drop beating down on me like a nail, sharp and painful. The thunder is deafening and the lightning blinding; and Ash's worried calls fade into the whisping wind.

And I can hardly feel it, as my body gives way and I feel myself falling. I feel a pair of strong arms catch me, but is that just a dream or is it reality? I don't know. Everything is so, so dark, and so black…

_To be continued…_

Well, there's a longer chapter for you. I hope you enjoyed it. The next chapter will be the last, unless I decide to do an epilogue, but I'm not sure about that yet. Thank you so much for staying until the end. I hope I'm not disappointing you.

Love and light,

Sarah.


	7. Storms

**Fragile**

**By Kawaii Cherry Blossom**

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon, or the song 'Fragile' by Delta Goodrem. The rights to both are property of their respective owners.

Rating: M15- Mature themes

Genre: Drama/Angst/Romance

Type: AAMRN

Summary: Taking a break from Pokémon training, Ash returns to Cerulean City to spend some time with Misty. But as he catches up with his best friend, he learns that much has changed since he once knew her… Or did he?

Ages:

Ash – 18

Misty – 18

Chapter 7

Storms

"_Sometimes I feel like I'm alone_

_Sometimes I feel like I'm not that strong_

_Sometimes I feel so frail, so small_

_Sometimes I feel vulnerable_

_Sometimes I feel a little fragile…"_

ASH

"I wish I could help you. I wish I could understand what happened, what made you do this to yourself. The doctors say you have anorexia. I wonder if you knew that… I've been reading about it. I can't believe you went through that alone. You should have called me. I would have dropped everything and come right away… I hope you know that. I hope you know how much I care about you… It scares me so much to think that if I hadn't come to see you…

I don't know if you can hear me, Misty, but please just know how much I love you… And know how much everybody, all of your friends and family, love you and are here for you…"

My hands are shaking, I've just realised, as my words trail off into the still air. Biting my lip, I lift my right hand up and brush piece of orange hair off of Misty's pale face. The doctors said she's sleeping, since she has hardly any energy in her body. They had to insert a tube (they called it a nasogastric tube, to be precise) inside of her to feed her. It was hard to watch because she looked like she was in so much pain… She struggled and tried to push the doctors away but they succeeded in the end because she was too tired to protest. She did manage to yell out to me, saying how much she hates me, however. I asked if the tube was completely necessary and they said that if she didn't have some food pumped into her right away, she'd die.

It was then that the seriousness of the situation became apparent to me. I was so focused on finding out what was affecting Misty that I didn't think of how far it could go. She could have died. She could have died _alone_, not knowing I care, thinking I didn't. It's a painful realisation when you think that the last conversation that you had with someone could have been your last. I tried to think about what it would be like if the worst had happened, but it was too painful. I know it sounds corny to say, but without Misty in my life, I'm…nothing. She's my other half; she made me who I am… And there's no way I'm going to let her slip away.

I realise I'm crying and wipe my tears away. I want to be strong for her, though it's hard to remain that way. Seeing Misty like this is a shock, especially when she was always so strong in front of me. I wonder if that was an act. I wonder if this was affecting her all along, and I was too stupid and immature to notice it. When I spoke to Brock on the phone he told me not to blame myself, but how can I not? If only I had visited her more often, instead of only thinking about myself. If only…

My thoughts feed the despair that has been creeping up within me, causing it to grow and tear on my heart. But suddenly, a slight stir whips my attention to Misty, and I see her eyes slowly flutter open. Except for the beating of her heart monitor, the air is still and silent, as if aside from Misty and myself, the world has stopped. I don't take my eyes away from hers as she glances around the room. A mixture of confusion and shock quickly plays across her face and her breathing grows heavier as she takes in her surroundings. She doesn't speak, and nor do I, as she does so. Still, I don't take my eyes off of her. Finally, she glances at me in distress and our eyes meet for a few moments. I want to say something comforting, something to make her feel better, but I'm lost for words. After a few moments, she takes her eyes away from mine and stares up at the ceiling, the same anguish and despair still present in her eyes.

"Misty…" I finally speak, though I've no clue what I'm going to say.

But she doesn't answer. The only action she makes is to close her eyes, as if doing so will make the pain go away and shut out the world. Desperately, I take her hand, wanting so much to let her know that I'm here for her. But to my disappointment, she pulls her hand away and lays it across her stomach.

"Just go," her voice, though soft and crackly, says.

It feels as if a tonne of bricks have been dropped upon me, like my fears have become a painful reality. She hates me.

She hates me.

I wait for a few moments in hope that she will say something more, but she doesn't. Her now open eyes remain fixed on the ceiling as she stares at it intensely. Bowing my head painfully, I stand and glance at her one more time. She doesn't move. So I slowly exit the white room for the white corridor, and sit on the white waiting chairs. I put my head in my hands wondering why everything can be so white here when everything at the moment is so black.

MISTY

I wish more than anything that I could jump out of that window right now, and run away, never to return again. If only I had enough strength to move and I wasn't hooked up to all of these machines and this stupid tube. I hate hospitals and this is why. They're so daunting and frightening… I knew it was a mistake letting Ash stay with me. How could I have been so damn STUPID!

Oh what am I saying? I've always been stupid. I'm so stupid and good for nothing. Why would Ash want to help me anyway? I don't mean anything to him. He was just lying when he said he loves me, because he feels sorry for me. Nobody cares and I don't either.

They're feeding me food through a tube which they stuffed down my throat. That really hurt. And now I'm going to get really fat. Even fatter and uglier than before. I have to get out of here. I don't know why they put me here in the first place. There's nothing wrong with me. I'm merely getting by in life. I don't see what's wrong with trying to achieve something.

But no… What am I saying…? I want to get better. I want to be able to enjoy life and I want to believe in myself again. Perhaps the doctors here can help me to do that. 

Oh please. Get real Misty and don't be stupid. You have no choice. There's no way out unless you reach your goal. There's no way I'm letting you be free, not until we've achieved what we set out to. We do not give up.

Why are they doing this to me? Why is Ash doing this to me? He's just proved that he really doesn't care. Now all that I've worked for is going to fly carelessly out of the window. All that hard work for nothing. I'm going to get fatter and fatter, I can feel it. My stomach feels gigantic already, it's a wonder they didn't ask me if I was pregnant. What am I going to do? If they'd left me alone I know I could've accomplished what I set forth to. But now…

Upon hearing the door creak, I glance up to find Brock entering the white room. What is he doing here?

"There's nothing wrong with me," I start, almost defensively, but I can't help it. I already know what he's going to say and I can't bear to hear it.

"If that were true," he speaks, his tone serious, "You wouldn't be lying in a hospital bed."

I fight the urge to roll my eyes but I do glance away, as I cast my eyes towards the shadows on the ceiling. When the shadow begins to resemble a piece of pizza, however, I quickly look away.

"What did Ash do, tell everyone?" I mutter sarcastically, not expecting much of a reply.

"He's only trying to do what he can to help," Brock replies, his stature unmoving as he keeps his eyes fixed on mine. "He's really worried, you know. It looks like he hasn't slept in days."

This time I do roll my eyes.

"It's all for nothing. This is just a big waste of time," I reply, slightly angered.

Brock pauses and rubs his chin with his finger for a few moments.

"Misty, I know that something in your head is telling you that, but I also know that deep down inside, you know the truth. And I don't understand because you've never been one to be controlled…" he trails off and I glance away as I feel tears well up in my eyes.

Weak bitch… Stop your crying. It just shows how weak you really are…

"But I just wanted to let you know that when you do realise that, you have a bunch of people who care about you to help you through," he says softly and I still can't meet his gaze. Trying to burn a hole in the wall with my stare seems the better option.

"Especially Ash," he adds, and a single tear falls out of my eye and down the side of my face. I'm too tired to wipe it away. And I guess he's noticed because his next words are:

"You're gonna be okay Misty, you're gonna be okay…"

But I'm not. I'm afraid and I feel so alone. It's like being trapped in an invisible room, where you can see out but nobody can see in, and no one can see where you are. I just want to be free. Free of him. I want him out of my head… I want him to go away… I want someone to save me. I want someone to take me away from this awful place. I want…to be skinny.

I want to be loved. And popular. And accepted…

"I'll let you get some rest," Brock's voice breaks me out of my helpless thoughts. Turning my head towards the wall, I nod slightly and he walks out of the room, the soft click of the door closing filling the room.

ASH

"Any luck, Brock?" I glance up at Brock as he exits Misty's room. He sighs slightly before moving to sit down beside me.

"She seems very…divided," he says quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it seems like she's trying to break through the voices in her head but they're too strong. You can tell that she's being tormented inside."

I nod slowly, taking in the words as they make me even more fearful.

"I just wish I'd come to visit sooner…"

"Ash, you couldn't have known."

"I know…" I sigh dejectedly. "I called Misty's sisters before. They said they're going to get on the next plane out and be here as soon as they can."

"That's good," Brock replies. "What did the doctors say?"

"They said that she has anorexia…like I told you… They put the tube in to feed her because she was so weak and they said she has to keep it in until she's able and willing to eat on her own. They think she'll be in the hospital for a while…" I explain, finding it painful to recount the news.

"Well, I have no doubt that she can pull through."

"Me either," I nod before letting out a sigh. "But I just wish she'd let me inside…"

"She will in time, Ash, but you have to understand that her head is most likely telling her that she's not worthy of anything good."

Nodding slightly, a yawn overtakes me and I'm made aware of how tired I am.

"Ash, why don't you go back to the gym and get some rest. I can stay here with Misty," Brock offers but I blatantly refuse.

"No, I want to stay here with her… I won't sleep even if I try, anyway…"

"Ash I can tell that you really love her. And I'm sure that your love will pull her through…" Brock says kindly and I smile slightly.

"I hope so…"

_The next morning…_

"Ash!" Brock's voice startles me out of my sleeping state and I open my eyes quickly, despite the painful sunlight that slaps them as I do so.

"What?" I murmur out as I fight the urge to lie back down, pulling at me like a rope tied around my arms.

"Misty ran away."

His words hit me like a slap across the face, like sudden pain wafting through you at an incredible speed, leaving an aftermath of worry and fear.

"What do you mean? When? How?"

"Sometime this morning. We don't know anything. All I know is that I went into the room when I got here just now, and she was gone. They're calling the Police to search for her."

I can do nothing but stare at Brock, the utter shock of the news sinking into me as each second ticks by on the clock hanging above us, on the hallway wall. But right away, I know what I have to do, as does my body as I turn and put on my jacket over my black t-shirt.

"Ash, where are you going?"

"To look for her!"

"Ash!" he calls and I impatiently turn, throwing him a look that says 'hurry up'.

"…Be careful," he says, sighing slightly.

I nod and our eyes meet. I can tell that he knows I need to do this, so he doesn't ask any more questions or try to stop me. So without any hesitation and with a lot of fear and worry, I go.

MISTY

If someone asked me to draw what I'm feeling inside, I'd draw a storm. There'd be lightning crashing down upon a dark grey, miserable sky, and heavy rain beating down upon the earth. A terrible wind would echo across the land, painfully forcing the rain onto anything it touches. I feel like I'm the person trying to break through that storm. You know, the person that you see struggling down the street with an umbrella that's blowing inside out because of the wind that's so strong. Their hair is flying everywhere and each drop of rain that falls upon them is like a pin being forced into their skin. My umbrella is the shred of hope that I've managed to desperately grasp on to. But it's wearing thin now, the wind blowing it out of my reach. I wonder what I'd do if I lost it completely. Do I want to find out?

No. I know the answer is no but still, it seems too big an ask to try and brave it, face it, and find happiness again. Happiness seems so out of reach that I see no point in bothering to try. And not only that, I'm so completely afraid to try. Sometimes he tells me that if I eat, or if I do or don't do something, that Ash or my sisters or Brock will suffer. He threatens me, and I'm so weak that he's easily able to gain control over me.

But still, I want to try. I don't think I can. But I want to…

I don't want this storm to be a picture of my reality. But I think maybe it's who I've become. Perhaps this is just who I am…

ASH

The rain beating down on me is barely noticeable as I trudge through the puddles on the sidewalk. The grey sky above suggests more rain is to come as I hear the unmistakable sound of thunder in the distance. But still, it means nothing to me as my mind and body ride on the need to find Misty. Doubts plague my mind like a disease. What if she's hurt? What if she's been kidnapped? What if she's… What?

Orange hair, and a slim figure dressed in baggy pants and a tank top, catch my eye. Frozen, I stare ahead and close my eyes for a moment, praying. And thankfully, when I open my eyes again, she's still there, sitting at a bus stop alone, her head bowed, shaking from the cool air that surrounds. I pause for a moment, realising that I have no plan as to go about bringing her back to the hospital. But then, I guess I should take the road my heart leads me down.

Swallowing hard, but welcoming the relief that washes through me, I take a few steps forward until I'm standing beside her, facing her fragile figure. She doesn't move, nor does she acknowledge my presence. Keeping my eyes on her, I take off my denim jacket and wrap it around her. She flinches but accepts it, still not taking her eyes from the spot she stares at on the floor. Slowly, I sit beside her, not taking down my guard in case she decides to run away.

"I'm fine," she blurts out, her tone quiet but full of defense.

"No, you're not…" I counter quietly. She closes her eyes, as if in pain, and purses her lips together.

"I know…" she replies a few moments later, a slight sob falling out with her words. Again, she closes her eyes tightly, and for a moment I believe she's trying to block the world out by doing so. A few moments pass and I keep my eyes on her, worry emanating from my soul. Slowly and gently, I put my hand over hers, which sits resting on her right thigh. Thankfully, she doesn't move away, and I squeeze her hand gently.

"I'm going to see you through this. I'll be there every step of the way. You don't need to be afraid…"

"You don't have…" she begins, but I cut her off.

"I want to. Because I love you. And there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you," I look into her fear-filled eyes intensely. I want her to know how much I mean the words I'm saying. "No matter what, I'm going to be here, through everything, just like you were there for me."

She stares at me for a few more seconds, before turning her gaze to the bleak, gloomy sky above. The rain falling down around is grows heavier, its pitter patter echoing eerily around us.

"You don't understand how strong he is…" her small voice says.

"He?"

"The voice in my head…" she admits, closing her eyes tightly once again. I don't speak for a few moments, but don't take my eyes off of her either.

"You're stronger," I grasp her hand tightly and give her a supportive smile. "_We're_ stronger."

She looks my way for a few seconds, questioning whether I'm sincere, and when she looks away again I can't tell whether she got an answer or not. Leaning her head back against the glass wall of the bus stop, she sighs and lets another tear fall devastatingly down her cheek.

"I believe in you," I finally whisper, a final, desperate plea to catch her and pull her up from the ledge she's fallen over. I reach up to wipe her tears away, my finger brushing against her soft skin. Still gazing ahead worriedly, she turns to look into my eyes. Giving her a small smile, I lean forward and kiss her softly on the cheek, before pulling back. I search her concerned eyes for a sign, to tell whether she's okay with this. She doesn't respond as she stares into my eyes, and I take this as a positive sign as I lean forward once again, before pressing my lips onto hers softly. The kiss lasts for a few beautiful seconds before we pull away. Her worried stare still darkens her eyes, but as she turns back to look towards the sky, she leans against me softly, putting her head on my shoulder.

I feel almost relieved, though I know this is only the first step of many that are to come. But it seems that I've been able to pull her up from that dangerously high ledge. Now all I have to do is keep her up there… I know that somehow, things are going to work themselves out. Anorexia isn't going to be an easy enemy to beat; if my experience in Pokémon training has taught me anything it's not to underestimate your opponent. Many people think I'm a naive fool for believing in hope and love and faith. But I believe that as long as one has these three things, they can pull through. All of my faith and hope and love is here; ready for Misty to accept it, and hopefully accept her freedom from the monster that is plaguing her.

MISTY

Maybe there is a way.

Maybe there isn't.

But maybe there is…

"_Oh…_

_A little fragile…_

_Oh…"_

**THE END**

Wow. I must say, I never anticipated this fic getting to be this big, but here I am at the end! I know the ending probably wasn't what you expected it to be, at least somewhat anyway. Upon the request of a friend (Teneal!) and because I just can't help it, I had to put the fluffiness in at the end! But I didn't want to sugarcoat it and give it a completely happy finale, because anorexia isn't something to be happy about. Nor do I think it's something that is ever truly over. This fic was meant to show you that, and I hope you guys have a better understanding of what eating disorders are and how badly they can affect people (not only the sufferer, but the people close to them as well).

Thank you to all of you who read and reviewed, it means so much to me, so PLEASE know how thankful I am!

If you have any comments or feedback, I'd love to hear them! Oh yeah, and if you haven't heard the song (Fragile), you should try and find it and listen! Delta Goodrem is trying to crack the American market in a few weeks, so all you Americans – get into her, she's the best! Hehe.

Thanks heaps guys. I love you all.

Love and light,

Sarah.


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